Sunday, October 05, 2008

Very-bad-word next year!

All those white flags flying around the city with a big, blue "W" on them: that "W" stands for "WASTE!" What a very-bad-word waste this whole pointless very-bad-word season was! Why bother going through all that effort to make the very-bad-word playoffs when you're just going to very-bad-word choke again?! You can't very-bad-word hit, and you can't very-bad-word pitch, and you can't very-bad-word field with both hands around your very-bad-word necks! If baseball wanted teams that played like the Pittsburgh very-bad-word Pirates in the playoffs, they'd invite the Pittsburgh very-bad-word Pirates!

Here's what baseball should do. They should send the Cubs - the entire very-bad-word franchise - down to AAA and not let them come back until they win that league's championship.

No, I have a better idea. Let the Cubs play the first two months of the season. Then, make them stop and play in the College World Series. Then, if they win that - which they won't because it's against the very-bad-word law for them to win anything with the name "World very-bad-word Series" in it, including the very-bad-word Little League World Series - they come back to the major leagues and try to get into those playoffs. If they don't, they pack up and go home so they don't waste another entire very-bad-word year.

This year's Cubs' playoff MVPs are: Henry Blanco, Bobby Howry, Reed Johnson and Ted Lilly. Why? Because they never got into a very-bad-word game. Can't very-bad-word up on the very-bad-word bench.

I have another use for all those very-bad-word "W" flags. Wipe.

Very-bad-word! Very-bad-word! Very-bad-word! Extremely-bad-word!

There. I feel better now.


Wipe-on-a-Stick

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You go Jerry. I agree. No, I very-bad-word agree with you, man. But try not to wish the Cubs to play in the College World Series, I don't want the beautiful sport of college baseball ruined by those money-making types.

But I still very-bad-word agree with you, the Cubs are frustrating as hell.

Eric

Jerry P. Palm said...

Not to fear, Eric. The Cubs would only be around long enough to go 0-2. They'd have nothin for Fresno St.